Weekend of Children: July 24th and 25th.

Been a nice weekend so far!

Saturday:

Let's see. Got two checks out of the four I am expecting- YEY. Spent the morning in the pool with Katie and her "play-date" group (moms and their munchkins), then the afternoon in the pool with Katie and her out-of-town friend that is visiting (with her 3 girls), then got to go to the GROCERY store for the first time since arriving (Major highlight, more later), then had turkey dogs cooked over the campfire in our backyard and made smores and looked at the sky and chatted with friends, followed by a board game, and a movie. A fun filled, but relaxing day. I am QUITE tan- thinking I'll be sorry tomorrow, but still doing ok. I was in the sun for about 6 hours straight. Got a little dark there....

Anyway, as for my first trip to the grocery store. It was a blast. I spent WAY less than I thought I was going too... because ALL my produce was LOCAL. Even my cheese was local! It's amazing. Although, I do need to find the stands because it's SOOO cheap there. I saw a sign, 20 avocados for $5!!!! I had NO cash on the though. I'll find more... but I have all sorts of fresh fruit and veggies. Very excited for lunch tomorrow. :) Still haven't purchased any Cali wine as Katie doesn't drink, so no one to share with yet...

Overall, I'm doing great here, but insanely bored and in need of friends. Need to get out more. Katie and I have great plans for once I start working- lots of shows we want to see and places to go. In the meantime, beaches, kayaking, the pool, chillin with Derrik are keeping us occupied. And for all my boredom, I'm going to be helping my mom with some of her web stuff. Just little things I can do long distance. And helping her find a new computer... something to keep me busy. Been feeling a bit stir crazy and unproductive.

Sunday:

I was up late, unable to sleep, so organized the kitchen this time. :) Tried to sleep in- the cleaning ladies where here this morning; but the girls that were staying with us were up, and screaming all morning. So I didn't get much sleep. Thank god that Derrik isn't in the terrible 2s age yet. :) Even Katie, who raised foster children, was exhausted by the time they left. We had a nice, quite, evening at the house.

Katie and I also had a great talk around the fire how she feels guilty asking for my help, and I worry about trying to help too much. So we promised to just tell each other when that happens. Makes me so happy that we already talk so openly. But being able to help makes me feel useful and not just like a lump on a log- which I would otherwise be. If it weren't for this family, I'd be here, doing nothing. Every day. Literally nothing. Now we play games, and make dinner, and all sorts of fun stuff. So, overall, things are great! This would all be a LOT harder if it weren't for Katie. I just have to get more energy, my job, and back in school. I remember feeling a bit this way last year before I got back into school... it goes away fast. Can't wait for you all to come and visit and meet everyone...

So I've been thinking a lot. Surprise, surprise. I guess I am wishing things were just a bit different. Just with relationships, and such. Trying to figure out if I can get everything done in time to apply to grad school. Trying to figure out if I want to wait another year. Applying to so many jobs again, it's out of control. Wish I would have just gotten a full time job at the casino. Wishing I wanted to exercise more. I get in the pool and don't even feel like doing laps. Tried to make myself the other day, and it wasn't any fun at all- something I used to love doing. I've also been thinking a lot about children and motherhood. Boy, could it have been in my face any more this weekend? Even the movie we watched Saturday was about a woman who lost her son, couldn't have any more, then lost her hubby, and so started an orphanage. Lots of talk today this weekend being a mom. A part of me can't wait to be a mom, and knows I'll make a great one when I am.... but I just have to be comfortable with the fact that today people are having kids older and older, and that's just fine too! It's just that desire to have someone that you love THAT much, and that loves you back. Parenting seems like a pretty cool gig. But then things like this morning... waking up to kids screaming and crying- that sounds fun. ;) Just thinking of my ex who had kids (that's right, close your jaw and move on), and what would be it like to be a step mom? Or how many kids do I want? I can see why people like big families. Things that I don't need to be thinking about, but are creeping into my head. Only time will tell, right? I am starting to understand women my age who's only desire is to get married, and are all about the reproducing thing. I have always kind of thought less of them for that, but part of me now can understand that desire. That desire to start a family. I think my loneliness makes that a bit more intense than it would otherwise be. But my feminist side is really trying to fight off all those thoughts, and I think part of them are natural biological stuff. And I do care about my career and making a difference in the world, but I can also see that there isn't a huge rush for that either. Guess I have to trust my instincts and know they will let me know when it's right for me; and the goddesses and angles watching out for me will help me along my path in the meantime. If only I could find work that I actually enjoyed for in the meantime... And for now Derrik is like a nephew, who loves me. And we play and have fun and Katie lets me "share". :)

So, one more week before real work starts, and a feeling of being back in the real world. In the meantime, Katie and I both need to get out of the house and do something fun. :)